Spam

Dear Spam Blocker on My E-mail,

Please one day be smart enough to block e-mails from senders like "Recession Proof Opportunity", "POLICE ACADEMY" or "Crazy Slots."

And note that I said "senders" not "subjects." Think about it.

Me

CareerBuilder

Dear Weekly Job Match E-mail from CareerBuilder.com,

What about my resume makes you think I'm qualified for a job as a "Cryptologic Linguist" with the US Army?

Me

Public

Dear General Public,

Please knock before trying to get inside my head.

Me

Blog

Dear Blog,

Sorry I haven't updated you in a while. I've been dealing with allergies and a possible ear infection/swimmer's ear, plus I went to a wedding and have been addicted to television. I promise I'll make it up to by filling your white space with words so plump you'll vomit on the sidewalk and sentences so gorgeous that you'll sparkle like a stripper.

I love you.

Me